Impact Wrestling - July 12, 2012

My first ever post! Ken Hill here, bringing you my take on sports, both Boston and national, as well as WWE and TNA Impact Wrestling!

Joseph Parks vs. Bully Ray (Anything Goes Match)

So we start off with a grudge match between Abyss's "brother" Joseph and Bully Ray, one of TNA's more underrated feuds as of late, as I like how Abyss has finally taken the time to extend his character in a different direction with "Lawyer Boy" Joseph Parks. He's playing the dumb luck non-wrestler persona to a tee and the promo time with Bully Ray, one of TNA's better modern-day speakers, hasn't hurt either.


Starting off with Bully taunting and spitting in Parks' face, slapping and punching him. Park fires back for a little bit before Ray knocks him back down, and even takes the time to Tweet mid-match. Frankly, I think TNA needs to dial back a bit on the Tweeting, but this is actually pretty funny what Bully's doing. Anyway, Ray grabs some weapons, including a chair, which he tries to go after Parks with, only to get double-legged. 


Parks goes for the chair to waffle Ray, but gets knocked down and hit across the back with a stop sign and a trash can lid. Bully's back splash hits...NOTHING! Seriously, has he ever hit that move? Parks psychs himself and starts laying into Bully, only to be hit with a big boot for his troubles. Bully goes outside and grabs...dun dun dun...THUMBTACKS! Wouldn't be a Abys...ahem, Joseph Parks match without them.


Bully spreads the tacks around and goes to grab a kendo stick to lay into Park, but Joe low blows him and nails him. Cover gets 2. Park goes after Ray, only to get knocked down again, but then comes back with a CHOKESLAM on the tacks! 1, 2, Thr...kickout! Honestly thought that would do it. Ray stumbles over to find his chain, Parks charges with a can, only to get nailed with the chain. Bully pins for the three count


Winner: Bully Ray
Rating: **1/2
(Nice little street fight they had here, and leaves things open for an even more brutal match down the line, possibly at Hardcore Justice. Parks did a real good job selling the shock value of hitting one of his "brother's" moves.

After the match, Bully isn't done with Parks, but Joseph is busted open and seeing his own blood and looks...unsettled, to say the least. Bully charges with the kendo stick...only to get BLACK HOLE SLAMMED! Crowd popped for that. Joseph suddenly snaps back to his normal shaky self and looks shocked at the scene as the crowd tells him, yes, "It was you."

Sting is walking backstage with the playing cards given to Hogan from the mystery bandana man, correctly identifying it as the "dead man's hand." Glad they let this marinate until after Destination X.


Bound For Glory Series
Samoa Joe - 37 Points (Leader) vs. Rob Van Dam - 7 Points (T. 7th)

Really a must-win for RVD here, given his position in the standings, but Joe's got the momentum coming off that great submission win over Kurt Angle this past Sunday. Charge by Joe, only to get drop toe hold into the turnbuckle, followed by a low dropkick from RVD. Surfboard attempt ends with Joe in the ropes. Like what I saw right there. Taz admits that RVD doesn't outwardly panic. That shows here, but I can see that Van Dam knows a submission means a little more than a pinfall and is changing his style up a bit, so good in-ring psychology here.

Irish whip by Joe into the corner, charges, but RVD moves out of the way, hits a spin kick. Joe looks more ticked than winded, though, and drills RVD with a clothesline. Van Dam rolls to the outside to take five. He gets back into the ring, looks for a quick kick, but Joe pick the ankle for an ankle lock, but it doesn't take. Knee strike by Joe, RVD comes back with a straight kick to the head, Rolling Thunder to Joe's back gets a close 2 count. Joe to the corner, RVD attempts a monkey flip, only to get slammed for his efforts. Figure four attempt by Joe, but as he's repositioning, RVD surprises him with a roll-up for the three count, and seven points!

Winner: RVD by Pinfall (7 Points)
Rating: **1/4
(I was expecting a little more out of these two, but at least it serves to remind people that nothing is absolute in the Bound For Glory Series. Good for what it was, though.)

Updated "Bound For Glory Series" Standings:

1. Samoa Joe - 37
2. James Storm - 36
3.Jeff Hardy - 21
4. Kurt Angle - 20
5. Magnus - 14
5. RVD - 14
7. Mr. Anderson -- 9 points
8. D'Angelo Dinero -- 7 points
9. Christopher Daniels -- 5 points
10. Bully Ray -- 0 points
10. Robbie E -- 0 points 

Now we have TNA's pseudo-TMZ guy bugging a pregnant Clair Lynch at the entrance gate...while she's smoking a cigarette. Okay, good to see Claire's not going for "Mother of the Year" status. She pretty much tells the guy to piss off as she drives in to the arena. 

Hogan is coming for the bandana man, brother!

TNA Tag Champs Kazarian and Daniels, who's banged up good from his awesome Last Man Standing match with AJ Styles this past Sunday at Destination X, come out to the ring. Kazarian seems honest in giving Styles  kudos for his big win at the PPV,  but states that thing between them and AJ is just getting started. Daniels on the mic, talking about AJ's "reprehensible actions" and his "attempts" to prevent the truth from being revealed. Daniels calls out "Baby Mama" Claire Lynch, who's certainly not pleased as punch as Kazarian helps her to the ring. Daniels tries to sympathize with Claire about her "situation" before AJ comes down to the ring with a purpose and all but tells Daniels to bug off, as he tells him he ended things at Destination X. He goes back and forth with Daniels before Clair injects herself between them and says that for once, Daniels is right...AJ, YOU ARE THE FATHER OF MAH BABY! AJ is rightfully stunned as we go to commercial.

Back from commercial, as AJ is marching towards the backstage exit and Pseudo-TMZ Guy hounds him about Claire, only to get a loud "I DON'T KNOW!!!" from Styles before he walks out the door.

We flash back to Jesse Sorensen's impassioned return this Sunday, with quips by Zema Ion interspersed in the clip. Ion claims he'll "cash checks, break necks, and keep championships." He's got the belt, the cocky, sociopath attitude, and big heat with the audience. Ion was definitely the go-to guy this past Sunday to win the belt. We hear Dakota Darsow, a friend of Sorensen's, telling us how pissed he is at Ion for not even bothering to text or call Sorensen to apologize for breaking his neck and plans on beating it out of him in their upcoming match, which is next.

Non-title Match

Zema Ion (c) vs. Dakota Darsow

Darsow comes out a house of fire as he lays into Ion with hard punches, then throws him into the corner for a body splash. Ion gets clotheslined to the floor and decides to book it, but Darsow catches him and throws him back into the ring, hitting a spear on Ion. Zema comes back with a neckbreaker off the ropes, then hits his new Gory Bomb-style face breaker for the three count.

Winner: Zema Ion

Rating: *1/4 

(More of a glorified squash for Ion, which makes sense as it was likely meant as a message to Sorensen to not take Ion lightly when he returns)

Post-match, Ion hits a nasty-looking arm breaker in Darsow, gets on the mic, and tells Sorensen he's a cripple and to watch out, because he's not just F'n pretty, he's pretty F'n dangerous. I could get behind that as his catchphrase, but replace F'n with "freaking". F'n is for teenagers who think they're cool and can "swear" when mommy and daddy are around.

The NEW TNA CHAMPION Austin Aries comes out to the ring to a standing ovation from the Impact Zone and goes into talking about how he's gotten congratulations from people in the back and even makes reference to the Tweets he got from wrestlers in different organizations (i.e. CM Punk). He tries to quiet the crowd down, which is pretty hard as they're hot for Aries. He goes on to say that his title win has not only brought TNA into its latest boom period, but has changed the direction of professional wrestling itself for the better, claiming himself to be the best wrestler in the world and TNA to be the best. Well, from a creative and storyline standpoint at least, he's right.

Cue the former champ Booby Roode, who comes down to the ring, looking more stunned and helpless than anything without "his" championship. As soon as he gets into the ring though, he starts seething and spazzing out, shouting "You" and "This, all this" at Aries, who asks Roode repeatedly to spit it out. Roode finally gets around to saying that Aries is just one word: Fluke. Aries grins like he can't believe that's all Roode had to say and gives him three words: New Heavyweight Champion. Roode reacts to that as much as we would expect from him; Screaming and slapping himself as he retreats up the ramp.

Sting and Hogan prepare to go out and call out Sting's masked attackers, as Devon and Garrett come in and offer to back them up. Hogan tells them thanks, but they got this. That pretty much means, no they won't have this.

Angle in the back talking about his impending match with Mr. Anderson and realizes that while he wants the 10 points, Anderson will be savvy enough to watch the submission and he doesn't mind settling for just beating the guy.

Recap of Madison Rayne's mystery crush, which turned out to be Earl Hebner. Well, he's made out with all the Beautiful People members at house shows, guess that reputation found its way to the Impact Zone.

Brooke Hogan comes out for the Knockout's Title Match

TNA Knockout Title Match

Miss Tessmacher (c) vs. Gail Kim

Brooke attacks Kim shortly before the bell, coming at her with clotheslines and dropkicks. Kim works Tessmacher into a corner, then starts working on her arm. Short comeback by Brooke gets shot down by Gail with a body slam, then turns a hammerlock into a modified Cattle Mutilation. A call-out, perhaps? YES! YES! YES!

Anyway, Tessmacher reverses into a pin for a 2 count, hits a facebuster on Kim, then charges, only to miss and hit the turnbuckle. Gail puts her up on the top turnbuckle, goes up herself for a big move, but Brooke knocks her off, then hits a flying elbow for the three to retain.

Rating: *1/2

(The fact that Tenay and Taz were pretty much focused on Brooke (Hogan) for the duration of the match tells you where the direction of the Knockouts is really focused on. With all the buildup elsewhere, the girls seem to be spinning their wheels a  little and it showed here.)

Kurt Angle and Mr. Anderson are...WALKING!

Recap of what I like to call "The Impacts of Our Lives" storyline with Daniels, Kaz, Styles, and Claire, who has "evidence" that implicates AJ as the father. Interwesting, but stoopid.

Cut to Magnus, who sets to capitalize on upsetting James Storm this Saturday after losing the lead to Samoa Joe in the BFG series. Good job keeping the focus on all the competitors for the series rather than just the top 3 or4, although if they can keep Robbie E near the bottom, then good for everyone involved.

Bound For Glory Series

Kurt Angle - 20 Points (4th) vs. Mr. Anderson - 9 Points (7th)

Single leg by Kurt to start, but Anderson shrugs him off. Tie up to the corner, and a break. Another tie up, Angle has Anderson down, but Anderson pops back up and locks in an arm hold on Angle. Yeah, that's REALLY going to work. Angle back up, pushes Anderson into a corner, stomps a mudhole into him, charges, but misses. Anderson hits a dropkick, but gets nothing. Both men get back up, and Angle fires off a quick belly-to-belly before commercials cut in.

Back to the action, Anderson hits a suplex, both him and Angle are down. Anderson whips off a neckbreaker, but misses a punch and falls into Kurt's trio of German suplexes. Angle slam gets reversed into a Finlay Roll for a near fall. Mic Check reversed, ANGLE SLAM! 1...2...THR-kickout! Angle cinches in the Ankle Lock, Anderson looks close to tapping, but somersaults Angle into the turnbuckle. He pops back up gingerly, preps for the Mic Check, and nails it! 1..2..Thr-KICKOUT! Wow, honestly thought Anderson had that one there, and Angle looks like he may have lost a tooth there as he's bleeding from the mouth. Anderson makes the classic mistake of going for the finisher again, and gets Angle Slammed for his trouble and the 3 count.

Winner: Kurt Angle by Pinfall (7 points)

Rating: **3/4

(Turned into a little too much of a reversal fest near the end, but still a good, competitive match between the two.)

Bound For Glory Series Standings 

1. Samoa Joe - 37
2. James Storm - 36
3. Kurt Angle - 27
4.Jeff Hardy - 21
5. Magnus - 14
5. RVD - 14
7. Mr. Anderson -- 9 points
8. D'Angelo Dinero -- 7 points
9. Christopher Daniels -- 5 points
10. Bully Ray -- 0 points
10. Robbie E -- 0 points 

Bobby Roode barges into Hogan's office as he and Sting are still prepping to confront the mystery attackers. Could've at least watch the show to pass the time, guys, sheesh. Anyway, Roode demands his rematch with Aries to prove it was nothing but a fluke. Hogan's thinking Hardcore Justice, but Roode wants it sooner, so Hogan plans the main event for next week's Open Fight Night to be a non-title grudge match between Roode and Aries. Roode accepts without a second thought. Looking forward to that, wouldn't mind it being made into a street fight to see how demented Roode's really become since losing his "precious."

Sting's out in the ring now to face the mystery attackers, but Hogan's not with him. I've got a sneaking suspicion I know where this is going. He asks the Hulkster to join him in the ring so they can do this "old school." Hogan's music plays once, stops, then again, but no Hogan that time either. Sting seems nonchalant about this despite the danger he knows is going on. Hulkster's music plays yet again, but then we go to cameras backstage in Hogan's office, where masked intruders have just exited, having beaten down and bloodied Hogan. Yep, saw that one coming from a mile away. Sting finally gets to coming up the ramp when more masked men assault him from behind and pretty much stomp him into the ramp. This ends the show.

Overall Rating: ***

A good show wrestling wise, with focus on continuing and upcoming feuds in the X-Division, BFG Series, Parks/Bully Ray,  and the Knockouts to a lesser degree, but the ending with Sting-Hogan beatdown at the end was somewhat predictable. The soap opera bit with AJ, Claire, Daniels, and Kaz better be leading towards another awesome PPV match and quick, because if I see Maury or Springer in the coming weeks, I'm done.