Antonio Cesaro (c) vs The Miz - US Title - YouTube Pre-Show Match
Miz has really tried his damndest with this face turn of his, but nothing to seems to be clicking; he's been soporific on the mic at best, Ric Flair's "passing" of the Figure Four to him as a finisher hasn't really brought out any new side to him, and in recent weeks he's really looked like more of an overly-hyped American fanboy just so he can be a halfway serviceable foil to Cesaro. Not really a hard one to figure out here.
Winner: Antonio Cesaro
Team Hell No (c) vs Rhodes Scholars -Tag Team Championship
Logic dictates that with Rhodes Scholars' seeming lack of success in both single and 6-man tag competition, Rhodes and Sandow pull out the win here. Not to mention that with the "Anger Management" storyline seemingly having run its course, short of Dr. Shelby actually becoming Team Hell No's manager, I don't see any real reason for the pair to continue as tag team champions, seeing as they can be just as entertaining when the focus isn't on the belts. Sandow and Rhodes surprise Bryan and Kane here, then go on to feud with the Usos, who have quietly been on the rise in the tag team ranks as of late.
Winner and NEW Tag Team Champions: Rhodes Scholars (YOU'RE WELCOME!)
Alberto Del Rio (c) vs The Big Show - World Heavyweight Title - Last Man Standing Match
With all the hubbub behind the reason for Alberto's title victory (UFC, New Latino hero, etc.), it'd be rather short-sighted anyway you look at it to just put it right back on Show, unless they plan to have the rumored Ryback vs. Big Show match at Wrestlemania with Ryback winning the Rumble and challenging for the World Heavyweight Title, but I digress. With Alberto as the de facto Latino hero in WWE and Mysterio and Sin Cara still indisposed, management would likely be adamant in keeping the World Title strap on Del Rio, or at least keep him in the main event scene, in order to keep Latino audience viewership high.
However, the one sticking point in all of this is the oddball logic of having the rematch with the same stipulation. Big Show winning it back would make Alberto's win seem like little more than a nonsensical fluke, so it would seem that Alberto ekes out out another shocking win to incite the giant further...only to get KO'd by a peeved Show, then...SHOW...OFF! Dolph cashes in, and we get the rumored feud between Ziggler and Del Rio rolling for Wrestlemania.
Winner: Alberto Del Rio...then KO Punch...one cash-in later...NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION DOLPH ZIGGLER!
CM Punk (c) vs The Rock - WWE Title
The build-up to this one's been everything we've expected and more: Punk cutting straight to the core issues with the Rock, circumnavigating all the kiddy insults and the "Cookie-Puss" jabs and staking his claim to be an wrestling equivalent to God. He's been gold on the mic Rock's been Rock, except dialing down the childish antics a tad to be ultra-serious about his aspirations to win the WWE Title and "free" the fans from Punk's tyranny as champion. While I initially was going with the Rock on this one, the banning of the Shield from ringside can't help but make me think that another well known "Paul Heyman guy" just might make their presence known...
Winner: CM Punk
The Royal Rumble Match
I can say this with all seriousness and confidence: John Cena is NOT going to win after that dung heap of a promo on Monday. I won't be surprised if he makes it to the Final Four, but he's not winning it. In fact, as crazy as it sounds, Ziggler's been getting more build for this match than you'd think. Countering Cena's entry into the Rumble with his own, taking Cena to limit in recent weeks, and the way he masterminded his way to victory in the Beat the Clock series made me wonder where this is all leading to...then Vickie tells him the winner only gets to pick the #1 or #2 entry. Most would say, "Hey, at least Dolph will likely be the Iron Man for this match." Nuh-uh, I'm throwing all my chips in on this. Dolph, already riding on high from the World Title win I predicted earlier, picks #1, goes the distance ala HBK, and tops it off by eliminating Cena, then we have an awesome Unification match between him and the WWE Champion (John Cena wins it at Elimination Chamber). Before that, though, expect Ryback to tear through a good chunk of the competitors, likely getting surprised by someone like Brad Maddox or the Shield in getting tossed out.
Most Eliminations: Ryback
Ironman: Dolph Ziggler
Winner: Dolph Ziggler
Overall Thoughts
A battle of the two most verbose superstars of their respective eras, a Last Man Standing match, Team Hell No, and a potential for a cash-in and historic Rumble win for a certain Show-Off? "HILL" YEAH!
Buy/No Buy: BUY
